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Building Self Confidence

03 Dec Posted by in Life Coaching, Uncategorized | Comments
Building Self Confidence

Building Self Confidence

Self confidence is extremely important in all aspects of our lives, yet so many of us struggle to find it.  Midlife transitions, body changes and life changing events in our 40’s 50’s and beyond can all take their toll and have a huge impact on our emotions and how we deal with day to day living.

Our level of self confidence at this stage in our lives can be shown in many ways; in our behaviour, our body language, how we speak, what we say and so on.  Low self esteem and confidence can unfortunately stop us from being the person we want to be and living the life the way we want to live it.

I believe that the most common wish for all us women is to feel more confident in who we are; infact, this can be the most liberating time of our lives……but how do we acquire this magic ingredient that can transform the way we see ourselves and see life?

The good news is that this magic ingredient, self confidence really can be learnt and it’s never too late to learn and it’s well worth the effort to invest your time and energy focussing on this aspect of yourself!


So here are my 3 steps to self confidence.


Step 1 – Preparation

This step involves preparing yourself for the journey into self confidence. You need to take stock of where you are, think about where you want to go and get your mindset ready for the journey and commit yourself to starting the process and staying with it.


Look at What You’ve Achieved So Far

Write down in a journal the 10 best things you have achieved so far in your life.  Everyone has achieved something whether it’s being picked to play for an important team, attaining a great exam result, caring for your mum when she’s ill, pushing yourself to lose those extra pounds; we’ve ALL achieved something that is worthy of acknowledging.  Keep that list handy and spend a few minutes each week looking at the list and enjoying the success you’ve already had!


Identify Your Strengths

This is a hard one as we tend to dwell on our weaknesses rather than our strengths.  Ask a valued friend or member of your family to identify the strengths they see in you.  Write these down in your journal and also think about your achievements so far and what strengths you used to accomplish these achievements. Remember to spend a few minutes enjoying and reflecting on your strengths and think about what opportunities these could bring.


What’s Important to You and Where do you Want to Go?

Think about what’s important to you and what you want to achieve in your life.  Setting and achieving goals is a big part of this and this is how you will start to feel more confident. Remember to set goals that exploit your strengths, minimize your weaknesses and realise your opportunities

TIP:  Start to identify the small actions that will set you on the path to reaching your ultimate goal.  These small wins create momentum which in turn builds confidence in achieving your overall goal.


Manage Your Mind

Learn to control your mind and get rid of the negative chatter that can inhabit all of us sabotaging our ambitions.  There are several techniques and exercises that I use with clients that can help control behaviour patterns and help understand the limiting beliefs that hold us back.  I will be discussing this area in more detail in a follow-up article.


Commit to Success

This final part of the preparation is making a promise to yourself to keep focussed and committed. At this stage it would also be helpful to bring in some accountability and support to help you realise your end goal.  Perhaps a valued friend, husband, partner or life coach could be there to give you the motivation to keep going..


Step 2 – Setting Out

This is where you start moving towards your goal; start with small easy wins and build momentum which will put you on the path towards success and building the self confidence that comes with this.


Get the Knowledge you Need to Succeed

Identify the skills you need to achieve your goals and look at how to acquire them; ensure that you get the right skills and don’t accept sketchy or a just good enough solution.  Remember to do your homework.


Enjoy the Process

Don’t look at the goal as if it is out of reach.  Enjoy the process of successfully moving towards your goal because you will learn so much more along the way and gain more confidence by doing this.


Acknowledge Yourself

Remember to give yourself a pat on the back each time you get onto the next stage of reaching your goal.  Celebrating the small early wins is so important to motivating you towards the bigger picture.


Keep Managing Your Mind

Stay on top of your mind and keep thinking positively.  If you meditate, spend a few minutes each day visualising what you want to achieve.  Also it is important to accept that mistakes happen when you are trying something new, so do not blame and beat yourself up, try and quieten the ‘mind talk’ that comes up.  Get into the habit of looking at mistakes as learning experiences then you can almost start to see them in a positive light!


Step 3 – Towards Success

At this stage you will feel your confidence building.  You will be moving towards your goal and this is the time to start stretching yourself; make the challenges a bit tougher increase the size of your time commitment and extend your newly acquired skills.

As long as you keep on stretching yourself enough, but not too much you’ll find your confidence building apace.  Now your goal is in sight, this is the time to start celebrating with your friends, family and supporters and perhaps think about your next goal and challenge!

Good Luck!

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